matrescence
About Matrescence
The word Matrescence was first coined in the 1970s by medical anthropologist Dana Raphael. 40 years later, in 2017, a New York Times article 'The birth of a mother' went viral. It was written by Reproductive Psychiatrist Dr Alexandra Sacks. What made this article so widely read was it spoke truths that are not often spoken, about the challenges faced by women, as they undertake the immense transition to motherhood.
As part of the transition to motherhood, women undergo significant hormonal, physical and neurological changes, and must grapple simultaneously with a raft of new emotions and confronting feelings, that for some, can be difficult to manage.
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Why is it important to start discussing matrescence?
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The article highlighted the need for more open and honest discussion, to break the cultural silence surrounding this period in a woman's life. Dr Sacks suggests the tendency to suffer in silence is a reflection of the larger invisibility of women’s issues, and that by discussing and normalising these experiences, we can remove the stigma, and even help reduce the instance of post partum depression.
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The concept of matrescence is largely unexplored in the medical profession, which tends to focus more on the baby, rather than the mother. Each and every prospective mother should be offered the opportunity to learn about matrescence, and what is commonly experienced in this transition. The current lack of support for women on this journey does not adequately reflect the enormity of the transition, and the emotional upheaval it often entails.
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‘If women understood the natural progression of matrescence, if they knew that most women found it hard to live in this push and pull, if they knew that under these circumstances ambivalence was normal and nothing to be ashamed of, they would feel less alone, they would feel less stigmatised, and I think it would even reduce rates of postpartum depression.’
Dr Alexandra Sacks
Source: RACGP news
Navigating the Transition
​Becoming a mother may be the biggest transition of your life. When a baby is born, so too a mother is born. How to prepare for what comes next? A profound identity shift takes place, alongside changing priorities, a push and pull of new sacrifices, and mixed emotions, moments of joy, interchanged with moments of anxiety, reconciling with the loss of your pre baby life, and simultaneously rejoicing in a newfound and indescribable love.
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The realm of changes a woman must undergo on this journey are far reaching: physical, neurological, and hormonal changes. Spiritual and social changes: the need to renegotiate your social relationships; and your ever-evolving relationship with your significant other, as you navigate what it means to be parents.
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What does it mean to be a good mother? Searching for answers, we are confronted with a plethora of images and narratives of motherhood, many of which are unrealistic and serve to create a pressure cooker, as mums hold themselves to a set of unrealistic fantasy standards. Such is the pressure to be a 'good mum'. This is exascerbated by societal norms and gender inequality. There is a lot to unpack.
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If you are currently on this journey, or about to undertake it, there are a few things you can do to help give you smoother passage through the transition:
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1. Self Care. It is essential to find ways to fill your bucket, and to find peace, calm and time for self focus. More on Self Care.
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2. Educate and prepare. Books and online resources are essential tools to help you empower yourself to 'own' your journey. Many resources are available, for example: Tough Mothers is a website and 3 step process based on neuroscience and cognitive neuropsychology, looking at how matrescence changes your brain and mind, and how you can use these changes to truly thrive.
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3. Talk about Matrescence. Ask other women about their experiences. Make this topic one that is no longer taboo or shielded in silence. It is helpful to normalise these experiences, and remind ourselves that these are universal, not unique experiences.
Self Care
The Complete Guide to Self care describes self care as: something you do to take care of your physical, intellectual, emotional, spiritual or social health. It is done thoughtfully and with the intention of caring for yourself in order to increase happiness, focus, stability, joy, peace, feelings of gratitude, and self-love. Self care is a way to reclaim your power, recalibrate your body and mind, and establish our own natural pace. When you practice self-care, you can harness your own energy to make more intentional decisions. you'll also decrease anxiety, gain fulfillment, and attract more of what you truly seek into your life. It also increases your confidence and helps you stay happy.
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Find what works for you, and commit to giving yourself this gift, by embedding time for self care into your regular routine. Some ideas:
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A morning ritual sets the tone for the rest of the day.
Book out time for self care to start your day happier and calmer:
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Exercise, stretching, meditation, reading, skincare rituals.
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The human body craves movement.
Moderate exercise:
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Yoga, pilates, dancing, walking, jogging.
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The mind loves to be creative.
Create something:
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Art, music, writing, painting, designing, crafting, sewing.
​A strong mind and a positive mindset can be cultivated.
Practice self love, emotional and spiritual self care:
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Check in with your emotions regularly.
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Strengthen the mind with meditation.
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Take time for yourself to reset and find joy once more.
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We are social beings.
Social self care
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Surround yourself with people who make you feel energised, positive and empowered, and limit time with those who do not.
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Be kind to you. Cut yourself a break. Let go of the need to get everything right.
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The quilt of life:
'Every season is significant, every day adds beauty, and every moment is another stitch placed, but not all the stitches have to be perfect, and not all squares have to be glorious, for the quilt to end up amazing. Certainly there is room for a few mistakes in the making of it, and it can still keep you warm at night. let go of the pressure to be perfect. Release the need to get everything right. Give yourself permission to be human, and embrace your flawed, wonderful self.'
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Rebecca Eanes: The Gift of a Happy Mother.
Top 5
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The transition to motherhood is likely to be the biggest transition you will ever make in your lifetime.
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As a society, we do not adequately support women through this transition. Having a word for the transition to motherhood, and talking about Matrescence helps break the silence, and empower women to speak about their experiences.
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As with any major change in our lives, it is important to prepare for Matrescence, and to grow awareness and skills that can help you thrive, as you manage the transition. This assists in reducing your risk of developing post partum depression and anxiety. If you are one of the one in five women who experience anxiety, depression, or both, contact: PANDA.
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There are many resources available to assist you in navigating the transition of matrescence. Understanding the physiological and neurological changes that occur in Matrescence is an important step in managing this transition.
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It is possible to empower yourself by taking the journey into your own hands, and self directing your own changes. It's important to set up a support network, planning time to practice self care, and embedding this into your routine.
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