2022 was brand new and full of promise. I opened the year with the usual optimism that comes with a fresh start, enjoying some long awaited summer sun, and reveling in the feeling of having an abundance of holiday time ahead of me. What I didn’t realise, was 2022 would bring for me a kind of self-reckoning.
Granted, we can look back now on the previous two years with a new appreciation for how our lives have changed. We can evaluate what has been lost and gained, and see that some changes which we thought would be temporary, are actually permanent. We’re now living our ‘new normal’. What I came to realise this year, shortly after 2022 began, was that I’d tried for 2 years to feel normal, but the truth is, it feels as though a little piece of me was lost. It was left behind back in 2020, and I’ve been trying to figure out if I will ever find it again.
Roll back to 2020: we were blissfully unaware we were about to usher in an entirely new era in our existence. I often miss my old self; my carefree and more naive self; my unsuspecting self. And while I’m very fortunate and extremely grateful for the worry free life I lead, a part of me still grieves the fact we won’t ever return to the way it was. Some might say that’s a good thing.
When life unexpectedly throws a huge curve ball, we instinctively adopt coping strategies. There are many different versions, but one common coping strategy is to just pretend: to maintain status quo at all costs; and to appear completely unflappable in the process. Admirable qualities, I’m sure - but if you adopt this strategy, how do you know when to stop? Do you ever realise when it’s time to let out what’s being kept in? To express the true reality of your experience.
2022 was only 2 months old when it delivered a war in Europe. Tragically, countless lives have been lost; millions of people are displaced; their homes, villages and cities destroyed senselessly. And while so very ancillary compared to war, there's a sense that life is becoming less forgiving for us in the lucky country. The pandemic’s economic effects are biting: inflation is rampant and driving up the cost of living, sending more people into poverty.
Aussie culture tells us to be stoic and, well, a bit blaze: "she'll be right mate". This is particularly so on the land, in rural environments, like the one where I grew up. Conversely, in most parts of Europe, the culture denotes a much greater honesty, directness, and truth. I always admire and appreciate this honesty and it feels refreshing compared to what I call the Australian norm.
I've noticed, we like pretending - a lot. For Australians, it's a well trodden social norm to avoid showing any weakness. Best brush it off, or cross the line of social doom at your own peril. As people moved from thriving to surviving, the volume was turned up on pretending. So much so, fast forward to 2022, and social norms decree: all negative comments must be carefully stowed away; or ‘bookended’ with positive comments. Virtue signaling has also become a favourite pastime, and now feels like our primary form of communication. But what is the cost?
There’s a saying that goes ‘Be careful who you pretend to be, or you might forget who you are.’ We continue to squander our honesty in exchange for these narratives. But before we really lose ourselves, isn't it time to ask whether we're really on board with this endless fostering of the need to pretend? Pretending life will be more palatable if we say the things that are the most benign.
There’s a certain honesty that's required to rebuild what we have lost. It's the type of honesty that requires us to be vulnerable. It requires us to have the integrity to speak to what we believe in. To look inside ourselves, and be prepared to show our weaknesses to the world around us. To ask for help when we need it. To say we're not ok on the days when we're not ok. And to just. stop. pretending. Perhaps if we can achieve this, we will be one step closer to reaching a heightened sense of wellbeing. We will have more love to give to those around us, and to ourselves.
Because all that really matters are the people we surround ourselves with. The people we love. Our people. A new attitude of hope will arise. I know I've learnt to live a little bit more in the moment, and appreciate each day. That old carefreeness is something I will definitely miss. But instead of pretending, let's put our energy into a new narrative of honesty and truth, which lets us ‘show up‘, and be who we are. To give our best selves everyday to our people. Let's stop putting our energy into the narratives, the people, and the dynamics that feel contrary to our natural wellbeing, and enter the new era carrying with us the most special of all qualities: Love, Hope, and Integrity.
Be your most natural self xx
#wellbeing, #2022, #honesty, #truth, #love, #rebuilding #pandemic #pandemicgrief, #newnormal, #community, #integrity, #hope, #freedom
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